All quiet on the western blog.

It’s not that life hasn’t been bass-ackwards with busy. It has been. The silence is the sound of me reeling. I’ve been reading all the things: To the Lighthouse, Barthelme’s 60 Stories, Flaubert’s Parrot, tons of Michael Fried, Ulysses (and companion). Halfway through GRRM, too, which I am dead set on finishing, because I hate holding multiple books in my head at once. I max out at three.
I’m furious at myself for not making time to write. There are a million contests and pub places that I keep staring at longingly thinking, I have a story that’d be so perfect, just a few revisions and…and then I miss the deadline or whathaveyou.
I hate limbo, and limbo is where I’ve been living since pre-Clarion. I feel stuck. Immobility as produced by overwhelm. And I keep changing things, often major things, in an effort to get unstuck, but nothing much helps. Does everyone feel this awful during exam year?
Good news: Becky’s wedding was just splendid. I met such wonderful people–writer people, even!–one of whom is a Chicago-ite, and I danced and watched gorgeous Becky go down the aisle in her gown-with-pockets…as soon as she posts pictures (I imagine she’s honeymooning away right now, and that pictures are the last thing on her mind) I will totally post and narrate the day, because it was Clarion-idyllic.
So there’s that. Oscillation between days like Sat. when I love life and everything in it, and days like today when I’m trundling through sludge. Guilt-sludge. Ugh.
I do believe it is time for me to head to the gym and, as Becky would say, get my head out of my butt.
[This is where a picture of the above act would go. Thankfully I don’t hate you that much.]

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One thought on “All quiet on the western blog.

  1. You are not alone! Exam year (imho) is meant to test our will as much as our intelligence. Do you guys get together to vent/ask each other questions/drink/cry? Our support group has really saved me from feeling like I’m stranded. You should create one if you haven’t already.

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